Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just pee around me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
