walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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