I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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