dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
