she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i think i have two assholes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
