she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
