Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
