I need to stop coming to work sober
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
