No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
