i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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