i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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