The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
