OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
