Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
