the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
