I think im going to throw up on grandma
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
