Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
