I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
