Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
