Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
