It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
