Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
