I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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