I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
