youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
