I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my being single is dangerous.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
