I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
