Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
