cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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