Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
