so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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