I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
