my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
sex in a hospital.. check
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
