then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
