If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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