saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
