Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
