Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
