We need to rekindle our bromance
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
