You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
