Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
