i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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