Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
