4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dicks are not precious.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
