dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
