Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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