You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
