I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
