Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
