I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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