Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
