Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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