Do you still have your period?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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