So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
